I will follow after You
As long as my soul lives
I will lift up my hands unto Thy Name O Lord
my mouth shall praise You
because You have been my help
in the shadow of Your wings will i rejoice my Lord
Your lovingkindness overwhelms my soul O Lord
and i will bless You, i will love You, all my life

today marks another special day in my walk with Jesus. it has been such a long time since we had ministering, other than during Legacy Camp, but i didnt manage to go, but thank God for ministering times. so i went to service today, not really expecting much, except to receive whatever word there is for me for this season. so during praise and worship, the Lord just drop this into my heart and i saw with the eyes of my heart that Jesus has been so faithful, so patient and such a mighty Saviour in my life. to think that i was probably on the verge of depression with the monsters in my head, so ashamed of myself, hating myself for who i was and what made me to do so. but even when you are lost, Jesus doesnt leave you alone. when it is the darkest time of your life, He jumps in to SAVE you. not to come and watch you get drowned, or to instruct you on how to save yourself, not scolding you for drowning. but He jumps in like a lifeguard and SAVES you. ohman. i could just bask in that for days. and He has saved me from a life of death and destruction, to a life of grace, overcoming life, love, joy, peace, fruitfulness and hope.

coming back, i was so happy to hear Pastor Ben come on stage, and it was also the last official service at the Rock Audi for Zone services. i just realised how much i missed the anointing that Pastor Ben carries, the strong teaching and prophesing anointing that speaks so clearly into our futures and how to life a set apart life. anyway, so Pastor Ben spoke about giftings and callings that God has placed on our lives. while the word was going forth, the Lord dropped so many things into my spirit man, and it is so beautiful :) so glorious that it can only take Him to come to pass. he covered 2 Tim 1:6, that we are to fan into flames the gift of God, by the lying on of hands. so Pastor had a time of ministering, where the pastors and leaders would lay hands on us.

before going up i was hoping, and i kinda saw that Pastor Dan would pray for me. dont mistake me, it's not the person laying hands on me that matters because only the Lord can anoint. but Pastor Dan is my favourite pastor, i just love the sweet anointing that he carries, and his messages always speak to the heart. so after standing at the front waiting for a leader to pray over me, Pastor Dan came over to pray for me. he just proclaimed that the Lord will heal me, and His healing is flowing in every joint, every tissue. the Lord is making me complete. i was just receiving whatever words he said. then after praying, Pastor Dan asked me if i was sick physically. and i was like "am i?" hahhaa. then i said no, he said, the Lord just wants you to know that when you go back to wherever you are, you're gonna find that you are complete, completely healed and whole. i just nodded and thanked Pastor and went back to my seat. then Jesus began to speak to me that hey Cheryl, those words were referring to my emotional healing. i just broke down. i realised that Jesus was arresting me in the area of my self-esteem and emotions. for the longest time, even after so many breakthroughs, i have  felt so incomplete, scarred, and just never complete enough. it affects every fibre of me, from my relationships, people i keep in my inner circle, my personality etc etc. and it was always painful to see my glaring weakness. but those words just broke that false foundation that i have basing my life on. Jesus showed me just now that whenever i see myself now, it doesnt have to be a picture of brokenness. but complete, completely whole and healed. wow. what can i do except to respond to Him in praise and thanksgiving. seriously, He took someone so broken, so inadequate, so underserving, and put His life, love and grace into her. how can i not be so grateful to my Saviour?

i told God, that i give my life to Him. all my insufficiencies, all my ugliness, all my weaknesses, i just put them in His almighty Hands. do what you want with my life. i wouldnt want to life live in any other way. because this is THE LIFE. Jesus is the life that all of us are designed to be occupied with, not ourselves, not our own goals and unsatisfying aims in life. we were all designed to be occupied with Him and  only Him alone. thank you Jesus for such a beautiful salvation, for being such an awesome Saviour. indeed, no words will ever express the riches of Your grace. thank you Jesus for loving me, for saving me.