a bff

before i begin, i have this to say: Jesus (to a much greater and qualitatively different degree) and TV dramas will be the saviours of my life in this year. so many things that are added to my life can be credited to my beloved dramas. never thought i would put this in my blog, haha, never say never.

so, im watching this taiwan drama called In Time With You, a really beautifully written and sensitive drama about 2 male-female best friends. so basically they have known each other for 15 years counting, they were rivals during high school but became, in all a romantic drama style, best friends. they know almost every detail about each other, what they the other would do in a particular situation, likes dislikes, etc. so the guy questions his feelings for her, not sure if there are crossing the boundary of friendship or not. and etc etc, i am not doing justice to the emotion and texture of their relationship so i wouldnt spoil it. but ohman, what i would give to have a best friend like the leads.. i love the ease and fluidity of their relationship, the exclusivity, how comfortable, vulnerable and honest they are and can be, just between the both of them. and that, i realise for me personally, is something that i would most likely never ever have (again).

to be strict and honest, i have had only 2 real best friends, 1 in primary school and the other in secondary school. the first one, in the true definition of a best friend, didnt exactly count, because we were both in that more for our similarities and for a source of companionship than any real interests. the second was a great friendship, we were opposites but had so many things to talk about, music, boys, good food, teachers, life as we knew it then. but it got rough along the way, but we are good now. i figured those were days when anyone whom i felt provided me with that sense of identity and comfort were the best friends. and it was easier to let someone into the deepest parts of you when you are younger and less guarded.

i gave quite a long and hard thought about the idea of "best friends" and yea, realise i am and would be without a best friend. this is not too de-value my friends that i have, i have no right to. i generally trust all my friends and people in general, but i hold my friends to very high regard, as experience and personality tests have shown me. and what i want doesnt always happen in reality as i thought it would be. im not the friendliest, most caring or selfless, most loving or giving person, far from it. and maybe most significantly of all, i never seem to be able to express what i really want to say/do as it is, honestly, truthfully, without fear. i dont know why it has been so for me.. and like i have said before, everyone is such a unique, idiosyncratic individual, if we can ever find someone who is a compliment and a fit for you, wow, that is worth more than a million dollars honestly.

and even though a bff may most likely never happen to me, in theory, i feel the best kind of partner would be to have your best friend as your boyfriend/girlfriend. isnt it the loveliest thing that can happen? imagine the countless conversations the two would have about anything and everything under the sun, and how when the passion has died down decades into that relationship, it would still be sustained by the simpliest of all social interaction, a good solid friendship as dependable as a rock.

isnt that so lovely?